Splurdle: a new word

{ Friday, October 17, 2008 }

I have invented a word. And yes, it belongs here under "Happy Body Day."

The word is "splurdle."

Splurdle, v.t., (splurdling, splurdled). To masturbate as a female. Curiously, she often thought of gingerbread men when she began to splurdle. Also n., the act or sensation of masturbation as a female. I could use a good splurdle right now.

Oh, how we've needed this word! "Masturbate" is a seriously unappealing word. It is a word for white coats and metal tables, for furtive hygienic needs, for something that needs wiping up. And men have their construction, a fine one -- "jack off," while inelegant, is casual and frank and, well, fun-sounding.

All the other available words and phrases are either cutesy or too obvious in almost a sneering fashion.

We have needed the word "splurdle." It was Saturday morning and I had nowhere to be; I lazily splurdled myself to pass the first few comfortable minutes of the day.

Why "splurdle"? It combines elements of spelunk, splurge, hurdle, and cuddle. And it doesn't sound like something you'd have to hurry through.

Certainly the field is open for additional alternative constructions. Propose them! All I know is that women need a word that sounds friendlier than our old Latin stopgap. For me, it's splurdle.

Post update 3/4/09:
"Splurdle" is now in the urban dictionary! Thanks to reader Amy! Since it's not in widespread use, I can only imagine they accepted it because it, um, fills a void.


Anonymous said...

Ann, you are a woman of many talents!!

New words! New much needed words!

Good job!!!

Anonymous said...

Splurdle, yeah-uhm hum! A new "women's only club" code word.

I love it!

Absolutely needs to be included in the next Webster's edition!

Anonymous said...


They liked it!

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